Love!!

Life takes you strange places and you end up doing strange things. Not all of them work out right. More often than not, only few of them work out and the rest are undesired memories. Few hours back i was my normal self, until i came across her web profile accidentally. It's been almost 3 years since she decided to walk away and, just like today her memories keep flooding back every now and then. I can say I have mastered the act of controlling my emotions, at least when they involve her, but today it was different.

Everybody has a special memory of their firsts-first kiss, first love and many more firsts irrelevant here. I too have mine. It was just after my 12th grade exams, while I was waiting for my results and searching for a good college willing to accommodate me, when it all happened. My firsts happened. Life was different all of a sudden; it was colorful. I had suddenly gotten a reason for my life, for my very existence. I had found someone who meant more to me than my own self. I had found love!

It's amazing how I remember the tiny details. Like the time it was raining and she was looking out into the rain blissfully. I remember just standing and watching her then, smiling the whole time, grateful for having her beside me. I remember her standing up for me and defending me at times. I remember her consoling me when I was low. I remember those late night chats. I remember those intimate moments we shared. I remember these and many more.

But as life teaches you, some things are not meant to be. Sometimes you just have to let go, 'cause no matter how hard you try and hold on to someone, if it wasn't meant to be it never will! But like all of life's teachings, it's easier said than done. No person who has felt love in it's truest sense can ever be "over" the feeling. The feeling still lingers somewhere deep within. You only learn to ignore it's presence.

But the aftermath of a relationship-turned-sour is the worst. Those times when you long for a shoulder to cry on, for a friend to hug you and tell you that it's all going to be fine. Those times when you are searching for answers to a million questions that will never be answered truly. Those times when you keep telling yourself that you deserved better till you stop believing it yourself. But after that comes a time when you are sick of the self pity and you desperately want to find a way out. It is then that you start hoping again, for a better life and a better future. It is to that tiny flicker of hope that we must cling on, the hope of a better self and a better tomorrow.

Life goes on no matter what, but it's very important you actually "live" it. The living part is the toughest. Some eventually learn, but the rest just go on mechanically. I'm still trying to figure out where I stand.